Opinion & Blogs

FLC Syndrome: It’s Not About the Size of My Butt

I’m too young to feel this old.

Woman Times is a weekly blog series devoted to giving voice to the women of the Central New York community.

It may have been 1998 or maybe ’99 when I had a strong firm body that could do anything I asked it to. I woke up, jumped out of bed and took charge of my day with gusto.  Now I wake up and think, “Crap, I have to put pants on.”  I remember when I impressed people with my ability to bend and stretch into positions no human should be able to create. Now when I bend over to tie my shoe, I think, “What else can I do while I’m down here?”   I’m not clear on when the changes took place, but I am certain I am suffering from FLC Syndrome.

I’ve got a ringing in my left ear that is so loud and constant that I have reoccurring dreams I’m dancing with Quasimodo in the movie The Hunchback of Notre Dame.  My hair is thinning. My hourglass shape is now more like an upside-down beer glass.  I’m up all night and now I think my ability to taste is fading. They tell me this is all part of the aging process, expect it. I sighed, I ate a loaf of Italian bread with butter and cheese and mourned my younger self.

What I never expected was Sciatica; the hands down most pain I’ve ever experienced. And I birthed two eight pound melon heads from…we’ll you know.  I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on either of my x-husbands. Maybe one of them, but that isn’t’ the point.  This is a pain that stops you from experiencing life.  Horrible. What makes this all that harder to accept, is that it goes against my personality to whine and complain all the time. I’m a happy person after all.  Being in pain 24/7 makes me kinda sorta crabby. No one wants to hire a crabby motivational speaker. For this reason I  have come to the realization that I suffer from FLC Syndrome:  or Feel Like Crap Syndrome …and I feel that way most of the time.

This isn’t really about aging and it’s not about the size of my butt, which by the way is beginning to look a lot like J-lo meets Beyonce meets Kim K.  What this really is about is my overall health and well being. I don’t want to feel like crap anymore.  I’m too young to feel this old.

Taking control of this situation, my depression and I,  head to the Chiropractor.  Besides faith and prayer, the only thing that will put me on the right track is a tug, a pull a yank and the 21 day cleanse.

Three sessions with his golden hands and four days into the 21-day cleanse and I am a new person.  No more FLC Syndrome.  Miracle?  No.  More like common sense and a little will power.  I am now eating things like lentils, fresh fruit and spaghetti squash with a nice marinara sauce.  I’m full.  I’m satisfied.  I feel like dancing.  If you feel like crap I suggest you try it.


Yyvonne contevonne Conte is a nationally recognized and internationally respected Corporate Culture Expert/Author at Humor Advantage, Inc. She is founder and director of Day of Joy Women’s Conference and member of Camillus Chamber of Commerce.

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You can always find her counting her blessings.

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