NEWS & BLUES

Curses, Foiled Again

Authorities identified Audrey Shirley, 34, as the woman who stole money and credit cards from homes in Forsyth County and Milton, Ga., by asking to use the bathroom. A victim mentioned the thief first asked to use the phone because her car had broken down. Investigators dialed the number Shirley had called and learned it was her own. (Alpharetta’s Appen Newspapers) After taking $125 from the cash register at a Subway shop in St. Petersburg, Fla., a robber stopped to grab the money in the tip jar. The two employees objected. “They complained,” city police official Mike Puetz said. “He apologized.” Suspect Robert Allen Walker, 47, returned the tip money and fled with register cash but didn’t get far before police nabbed him. (St. Petersburg Times)

Canine Capers

When Charles Harris tried disposing of his dead Rottweiler’s body by burning it in his backyard, he used gasoline to intensify the fire, which then spread to the house, causing $70,000 worth of damage, according to Prince William County, Va., fire and rescue Battalion Chief Joe Robertson. Harris was charged with illegal outside burning. (Associated Press) When a pit bull jumped a fence in Jackson, Miss., and lunged at some children, Robert Walker Sr., 53, held the dog with both hands while his wife took the children inside and returned with a .38-caliber revolver. Betty Walker fired two shots, the first of which struck her husband in the chest. He was rushed to the hospital but died. (Jackson’s The Clarion-Ledger)

Power of Suggestion

William Melchert-Dinkel, a former nurse from Faribault, Minn., persuaded two people he met online to commit suicide. Prosecutors said he posed as a suicidal female nurse to win the trust of a 32-year-old Englishman and an 18-year-old Canadian woman, then pretended to enter into suicide pacts with them and offered detailed instructions how to take their own lives. (Associated Press) After Wesley McKinley, 16, committed suicide, Sarasota, Fla., school officials placed North Port High School principal

George Kenney on administrative leave upon learning he hypnotized McKinley the day before his death. Kenney reportedly has been hypnotizing students for the past two years and had permission from McKinley’s parents to use hypnosis on their son. (Tampa’s WTSP-TV)

Revenge of the Poo-Poo Heads

After an elementary school in Channelview, Texas, suspended a pupil for uttering the phrase “poo-poo head,” the boy’s mother, Tammy Harris, demanded the school library ban the book The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby because it contains the same phrase. A committee rejected Harris’ complaint. She appealed and won. (Houston’s KTRK-TV)

Dickonomic Theory

A Finnish researcher has identified a link between economic development and penis size. Examining figures between 1960 and 1985, Tatu Westling of the Helsinki Center for Economic Research concluded that the smaller a country’s average penis size, the faster its economic growth. Every centimeter increase in penis size, for example, accounted for a 5 percent to 7 percent reduction in gross domestic production. GDP was highest in countries with average-sized penises and fell at the extremes of penis length, with a collapse in economic growth occurring where the size of male organs exceeds 16 centimeters (6.3 inches). Westling acknowledged his study began “as a halfserious attempt,” but turned serious once he saw that statistical correlations were “so robust.” (GlobalPost online news agency)

Surprise Passenger

When witnesses reported a motorcycle rear-ended a minivan in Victorville, Calif., but that the motorcyclist’s body had disappeared, San Bernadino County Sheriff’s official Karen Hunt said the minivan driver discovered the motorcyclist in the backseat while turning around to return to the scene of the accident. Investigators concluded the collision’s impact sent the motorcyclist through the minivan’s rear window. Neither the driver nor the motorcyclist required medical attention. (Victorville’s Daily Press)

News and Blues is compiled from the nation’s press. To contribute, submit original clippings, citing date and source, to Roland Sweet in care of The New Times.