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Coitus Interruptus
A man and a woman, both 44, crawled into a Dumpster in Wichita, Kan., and were having what police described as “an intimate moment,” when two men robbed them. The Wichita Eagle reported the robbers, one of whom was armed with a pocketknife, took the couple’s shoes, jewelry and the man’s wallet. Police found the suspects, ages 64 and 59, with the stolen property a short time later.
Opportunity Knocks
The Illinois Attorney Registration & Disciplinary Commission announced it’s considering sanctions against Chicago immigration attorney Samir Chowhan for telling a woman seeking employment at his firm that sex was a job requirement. The Chicago Tribune said the woman complained to the commission that after she responded to Chowan’s ad on Craigslist seeking an “energetic woman” for “general secretarial work, some paralegal work and additional duties for two lawyers,” Chowhan replied by e-mail that “in addition to the legal work, you would be required to have sexual interaction with me and my partner, sometimes together sometimes separate.” Chowhan added that previous women filling the position “have not been able to handle the sexual aspect of the job later. We have to be sure you’re comfortable with that aspect, because I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. So since that time, we’ve decided that as part of the interview process you’ll be required to perform for us sexually.” The e-mail concluded: “I am free to interview today.”
Los Angeles authorities charged Jeffrey Graybill with posing as a fertility doctor after two men said they responded to his ad on Craigslist offering $4,000 a month for donations to his fertility clinic. The men complained that Graybill insisted on examining their genitals at his apartment complex before he would accept them as sperm donors. KPHO News reported the men were never paid, but when they called the clinic to ask about their money, employees told them Graybill didn’t work there. Investigators concluded that the ruse was a way for Graybill to molest young men and that there are as many as 24 victims in California and Arizona.
Spit Happens
When the second of Gerald Shelton’s three ex-wives tried to burn down his house in Madison, N.C., the fire had barely started when it melted a plastic spittoon, causing the contents to douse the flames. Madison County Sheriff Buddy Harwood confirmed the details for the Marshall News-Record & Sentinel and explained deputies identified Sharon Shelton, 66, as the arsonist because she tried to enlist the help of ex-wife No. 3, who alerted police. Harwood said the suspect, who lives across the street from her ex, told detectives she set the blaze because “she was fed up” with him.
Cruel and Unusual Punishment
After serving time for illegally dumping hazardous waste, Sicilian builder Santo Gambino, 30, was transferred to house arrest in Villabate. Soon after, Italian news agencies reported, Gambino went to the police station and asked to be returned to prison to avoid arguing with his wife. Instead, police charged him with violating the conditions of his sentence and ordered him to go home and patch things up with his wife.
Unsurprising Conclusion
A University of Montreal researcher studying the impact of pornography on men intended to interview subjects who had never been exposed to pornography but couldn’t find any. “Guys who do not watch pornography do not exist,” assistant professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse told The Montreal Gazette. He said he switched projects and will now study how consuming X-rated material affects men’s sexual identity and shapes their relationships with women.
Cheap Date of the Week
Police arrested Joshua Basso, 29, in Tampa, Fla., for repeatedly calling 911 looking to have sex with the dispatcher. The Associated Press said Basso told police he called 911 after he ran out of cell phone minutes because it was the only number he could dial.
Unclear on the Concept
Police in Clarksville, Tenn., arrested Hee Orama, 34, after she repeatedly called 911 to complain that a man lied to her about wanting to marry her. Nashville’s WSMV-TV said police had arrested Orama the week before for repeatedly calling 911 because she couldn’t find her car.
Little Things Mean a Lot
A Saudi businessman ordered an 18-carat gold penis enlarger worth $47,000, according to X4 Labs, a Canadian manufacturer of medical devices. Explaining that the unidentified client requested gold because he has a severe skin allergy to stainless steel, the company said, “This male health accessory is the most expensive traction device ever produced and will likely become a historical benchmark for the adult novelty industry.”
Health officials reported that at least three men in Guilford County, N.C., became severely infected after receiving injections to enlarge their penises. The homemade concoctions may have been “some kind of mineral oil and vitamin E” packaged as a legitimate product, epidemiologist Dr. Zack Moore of the N.C. Department of Public Health told The Greensboro News-Record.
Size Matters
As part of Thailand’s “Condoms for All” campaign, Thailand’s Public Health Ministry began distributing official penis measuring devices. The disposable paper measuring tape records widths of between 49 and 56 millimeters, covering the “Thai penis-size standard,” said Dr. Somyos Kittimankhong of the Department of Disease Control. The $8.38 million nationwide condom giveaway is aimed at encouraging men and women ages 15 to 25 to wear the right-size protection. “Larger-size condoms can slip off or deaden the pleasure during sex, while smaller ones will cause discomfort to wearers,” Kittimankhong told The Nation. “These factors dissuade people from using condoms.”
Guilt-Free Pleasures
An Irish company introduced the world’s first “green technology sex toy.” Janice O’Connor, the co-founder of Caden Enterprises, described the 8-inch Earth Angel as a wind-up vibrator with a handle built into the bottom. “You just flip out the handle, grab a hold of it there, and you just wind it,” O’Connor told Agence France-Presse. “So for four minutes of doing that, you should generate enough power to give you 30 minutes of full-on, right-to-the-top vibrations.” Besides needing no batteries, Earth Angel, which sells for $100, is made from 100 percent recyclable materials. Chris O’Connor, Janice’s husband, said he developed Earth Angel’s power-storing technology more out of concern for climate change than for “sustainable pleasure.” Ireland’s prevailing Catholic morality forced the couple to turn to a British-based company to make the device, but he believes God would bless it as “something that’s green and that doesn’t do any damage to the environment.”
When Guns Are Outlawed
The Oklahoman reported that Oklahoma City police arrested Chad Anthony Logan, 25, after they said he broke into his ex-girlfriend’s apartment, fought with her current boyfriend and used his buttocks to smash her 72-inch television screen.
Second-Amendment Follies
James Looney, 40, accidentally shot himself in the head while teaching firearms safety to his girlfriend in Imperial, Mo. Witnesses said Looney was demonstrating the different safety mechanisms on several guns and would put the gun to his head and ask his girlfriend if she thought the gun would fire, then pull the trigger. KSDK-TV reported the safety mechanism worked for the first two guns but not the third.
Evil Is As Evil Does
Santiago Martinez, 28, got 50 years to life for killing his girlfriend and then received a death sentence for killing his new girlfriend because she refused to help him dispose of the previous girlfriend’s body. California Superior Court Judge Joan Comparet-Cassani, who sentenced Santiago to die by lethal injection for the second murder, called him “a savage beast” and “the face of evil.”
News and Blues is compiled from the nation’s press. To contribute, submit original clippings, citing date and source, to Roland Sweet in care of The New Times.
