News & Blues 11/11

Three British burglars broke into a
house in Leeds and made off with a $2,900 plasma television, but their
getaway van got stuck, forcing them to flee empty-handed. London’s Daily Express
reported police had no trouble identifying Christopher Lister, 21, as
one of the culprits, however, since the crime occurred in broad
daylight, and witnesses recognized Lister, who stands 7 feet 4 inches
tall.

When Guns Are Outlawed

Police arrested Robert Lee McKinney, 34,
after they said he tried to rob a hotel in Rapid City, S.D., with a
butter knife. The clerk refused to give the man any money and provided
police with a detailed description, which led them to McKinney.

When a passenger pulled a knife on a
51-year-old cab driver in Elgin, Ill., and demanded money, the cabbie
disarmed the man with a can of aerosol deodorant. Deputy Police Chief
Jeff Swoboda told The Daily Herald that after the driver sprayed deodorant in the robber’s eyes, the robber dropped the knife and fled.

Tickets Gone Wild

When residents of Toledo, Ohio,
complained they had received $25 parking tickets while their vehicles
were in their driveways, Mayor Carty Finkbeiner defended the citations.
He explained that city law forbids parking on unpaved surfaces,
including gravel driveways. Finkbeiner, who’s already facing a recall
vote, refused to say whether the fines were related to the city’s
budget crisis.

After receiving and contesting 170
citations since 1997 for violations he didn’t commit, Tom Feddor
finally went to the Chicago Department of Revenue and the Department of
Administrative Hearings for help. He told The Chicago Tribune
that hearing officer Zipporah Lewis made several calls to officials on
his behalf, but “the people she encountered at the other end of the
phone seemed to be annoyed and bothered by her. Most tried to quickly
end the call.” Finally authorities discovered that the number the
Revenue Department has been using as a placeholder license plate for
testing its parking ticket equipment is the same as Feddor’s actual
license plate: 0. Feddor said his family has been using it for 40
years, but officials were unaware it was in circulation. “The test
violations should have been dismissed in the database,” Revenue
Department official Ed Walsh said, adding that any fines Feddor paid
would be refunded.

Don’t Cluck with the Constitution

When John Vorderbrueggen, 39, complained
to his neighborhood homeowners association in Monroe, Wash., because
his neighbor, Helen Immelt, 52, was violating the association’s
covenant by keeping chickens in her yard, she began driving by
Vorderbrueggen’s house in the early morning hours and honking her horn.
The Seattle Times reported that when police asked Immelt to
stop, she “became heated,” according to court documents, and when the
officer went to get a statement from Vorderbrueggen, Immelt drove by
and gave “three long blasts” on her car horn, prompting her arrest.

A jury convicted her, but she appealed,
arguing before the Washington Court of Appeals that the noise ordinance
was “vague, overbroad and interfered with her right to free speech.”
The court disagreed. “Horn honking per se is not free speech,” Justice
C. Kenneth Grosse wrote, pointing out, “Horn honking which is done to
annoy or harass others is not speech” at all.

Second-Amendment Follies

Jamiyl Muhammad, 17, was part of a group
of youths fighting with a rival group in Upper Darby, Pa., when he
began pistol-whipping a member of the opposing group in the head with a
black handgun. Witnesses told police the gun went off, and a bullet
struck Muhammad’s 19-year-old brother, who was standing 25 yards away
observing the fight. The Philadelphia Daily News reported the brother was treated at the hospital and released.

Police investigating a shooting in
Winter Haven, Fla., said that Troy Christoff, 34, threatened to kill
five family members and, while loading a handgun, announced which
person each bullet was intended for. ABC Action News reported
that when Christoff had loaded the gun, he raised it and aimed at his
wife, Dawn Christoff, 35. Before he could pull the trigger, she drew
her own 9mm handgun and fired multiple shots at her husband, wounding
him several times.

A 37-year-old security guard in
Glendale, Ariz., was getting ready to leave for work, when, according
to police official Tara Simonson, he tried to place his gun in a
holster in the small of his back and accidentally shot himself in the
buttocks.

No Fun Allowed

Local officials ordered a halt to
construction of China’s first sex theme park after they became incensed
over the park’s risque nature. The New York Times reported that
photos on the Internet showed workers “pulling down a pair of white
plastic legs and hips that appear to be the bottom half of a giant
female mannequin towering over the park’s entrance. The mannequin is
wearing a red G-string.” 

According to China Daily, Lu
Xiao-qing, manager of Love Land in Chongqing, had planned to display
naked human sculptures, giant models of genitals, sex technique
workshops and a photography exhibit about the history of sex. He
insisted the park was being built “for the good of the public” and
would help adults “enjoy a harmonious sex life.”

Strange Bedfellows

Mayor Julian Mullis of Mulberry, Fla.,
told police he was attacked at home by his live-in companion,
cross-dressing Eugene Ornelas, 29. The two share a home with Mullis’
two children. The trouble started when Ornelas came home at 5 a.m. with
a stranger and “lost his cool somehow,” acting police chief Steve
Peacock told WPTV News, “and began throwing articles inside the residence and attempted to strike Mr. Mullis at one point but missed.”

Homeless in Reverse

After losing a three-year struggle to
keep city officials from taking his Minneapolis house, Ted Poetsch, 53,
was ordered to vacate his lifelong residence. Poetsch gathered his
belongings and made it to the front door an hour before the deadline,
only to find that the door and windows had been boarded up, trapping
him inside. City officials eventually freed him and told The Star Tribune their mistake was unprecedented, but they said Poetsch had been given ample warning to leave.

Lesson Learned

A Salt Lake City woman suffered head and
leg wounds after she was run over by an 11-year-old boy she was
teaching to drive. Police Detective Dennis McGowan told the Salt Lake Tribune
the woman was standing next to her car with the driver’s-side door
open, when the boy suddenly released the clutch, causing the car to
lurch backward. The open door knocked the woman to the ground, and the
car ran over her while spinning in a semicircle.

When Vibrate Just Won’t Do

Tennis player-spokesmodel Maria
Sharapova unveiled a dress designed to light up when the wearer’s cell
phone rings. Reuters reported that British fashion student Georgie
Davis, 20, created the dress as part of a school project with phone
maker Sony Ericsson to incorporate new technology and fashion. The
dress is designed to connect to the wearer’s phone so she can be
alerted in the noisiest of places, Davis said, noting, “When you’re in
a pub or a bar, you can never, ever hear your phone.”

California in Crisis

Los Angeles County taxpayers have been
paying $1.5 million a year to keep 8,000 old telephone lines active,
according to auditors, who said they expect that the number of lines
and the amount will double by the time they complete their
investigation. The phone lines may never have served any legitimate
government purpose, such as one registered to a now-defunct Hollywood
ticket brokerage that the county paid the bill for for the past 14
years. “This is government at its worst,” County Supervisor Zev
Zaroslavsky told the Los Angeles Times. The review began
earlier this year when William T Fujioka, the county’s chief executive,
learned that no one ever shut down 329 phone lines at Martin Luther
King Jr.-Harbor Hospital after it was downgraded to an outpatient
clinic in August 2007. 

So Hard Even a Caveman Can’t Do It

British authorities evicted Hilaire
Purbrick, 45, from a 7-foot-wide cave he’s been living in on his land
in Brighton for the past 16 years. The Telegraph reported that
the Brighton and Hove City Council recently investigated and decided
the cave did not have enough fire exits. Judge Jonathan Simpkiss told
Brighton City Court there were also concerns the cave could collapse.
Despite the legal order, Purbrick insisted, “I am still living there
and intend to continue to do so.” He added he would challenge the
council’s move in the European Court of Human Rights.

Rube Goldberg Meets Dr. Kevorkian

A 27-year-old man tried to kill himself
by positioning a 24-inch sword through the steering wheel of his car,
tying it in place with a T-shirt and then driving into a house in
Chandler, Ariz. Police Sgt. Joe Favazzo told The Arizona Republic
the suicide attempt failed because when the man started to drive
through the home’s concrete block wall, the car’s airbag deployed and
bent the sword. The car continued until it crashed into a swimming
pool. The man got out and was hospitalized with a cut in the neck from
the sword that Favazzo said wasn’t life threatening.

Firepower Hath Charms

When 400 cobras and vipers overran a
police station in Sierra Leone, authorities summoned snake charmers to
lure the reptiles away. That tactic failed, however, so officials
resorted to power hoses and assault rifles. “We have forced water into
the building, and some of the snakes trying to escape were shot by our
men carrying AK-47s,” Brima Kontu, head of the police station in
Gerihun, told Reuters, indicating about 250 of the snakes living at the
station were killed.

Leader of the Flock

Police found 53 baby birds in the
bedroom of a 15-year-old boy in Longmont, Colo. Sgt. Dave Orr said the
boy took the hatchlings, including barn swallows, sparrows and a
bluebird, from nests near his home and kept them until his mother
realized he had them and notified animal control. Forty of the birds
died.

Slightest Provocation

One homeless man smacked another
homeless man in the face with a skateboard while the two men were
discussing “quantum physics and the splitting of atoms,” according to
prosecutors in Redwood City, Calif. Deputy District Attorney Sharon Cho
said that at some point Jason Everett Keller, 40, got upset by the
conversation and hit Stephen Fava with the skateboard, splitting his
lip, but the jury acquitted him because they “just felt unable to
really know what happened out there.”

Homeland Insecurity

People on the government’s terrorist
watch list tried to buy guns 963 times last year, according to a report
from the Government Accountability Office. Federal authorities approved
865 of those purchases, including one case where a listee was able to
buy more than 50 pounds of explosives. “This is a glaring omission, and
it’s a security issue,” Sen. Frank R. Lautenberg (D-N.J.) told The New York Times.
Lautenberg introduced legislation in 2007 to block gun sales to people
on terror watch lists, but the measure stalled under pressure from the
National Rifle Association, whose position is that showing up on a
terrorist watch list is no reason to deny someone a gun.

Cook County of the Balkans

On the eve of general elections,
Albania’s main opposition Socialist Party charged that too many dead
Albanians were registered to vote. “Over 17,000 Albanians, almost the
equal of two lawmakers’ seats, are aged from 90 up to the age of 159 of
Shqype Hasibja,” Socialist electoral affairs chief Kastriot Islami
pointed out, indicating that 5,000 voters were older than 100 and 3,300
voters older than 110. The Interior Ministry acknowledged that some
citizens older than 100 were eligible to vote but said they cannot be
removed unless they are declared dead, adding, “We think the claim of
the Socialist Party to consider as dead any citizen over 90 years old
is unreasonable.”

Stop Me Before

I Drive Again

Zackary Lester Johnson was driving in
Athens, Ga., when he flagged down a police officer and inquired if
there were any warrants for his arrest. According to the Athens Banner-Herald,
the officer asked for his driver’s license, but Johnson handed him an
ID card. The officer checked, found Johnson’s license had been
suspended and arrested Johnson, who said he “was aware of that fact,
and that it would probably be best if he went to jail.”

The Pious Is Right

Turkish television station Kanal T announced the impending debut of Penitents Compete,
a game show where Muslim, Christian, Jewish and Buddhist spiritual
leaders try to convert 10 atheists. Converts will win a pilgrimage to a
holy site of their new faith: Mecca, the Vatican, Jerusalem or Tibet.
“We are giving the biggest prize in the world, the gift of belief in
God,” Kanal T chief executive Seyhan Soylu told Reuters. “We don’t
approve of anyone being an atheist.” At least 200 people have applied
to compete, and a team of theologians will ensure that the contestants
are truly non-believers and not just seeking fame or a free vacation.

The show has drawn protests, but the
real snag has been the refusal of Turkey’s Religious Affairs
Directorate to provide an imam, declaring, “Religion should not be a
subject for entertainment programs.”

Recycler of the Year   

(So Far)

A ship made with about 10,000 empty
2-liter plastic bottles is scheduled to sail the Pacific Ocean from
California to Australia to highlight the magnitude of disposable
containers. “Waste is fundamentally a design flaw,” expedition leader
David de Rothschild said. “We wanted to design a vessel that would
epitomize waste being used as a resource.”

The 60-foot vessel is named the Plastiki in honor of Thor Heyerdahl’s 1947 balsa raft Kon-Tiki,
which the Norwegian explorer sailed to test the theory that voyagers
from South America settled the Polynesian islands. His granddaughter,
environmental scientist Josian Heyerdahl said she plans to board the Plastiki for the last leg of its journey.

Only the Loanly

A Latvian loan company is helping people
through hard times by lending them money with only their soul as
collateral. Applicants need give only their first names and don’t have
to show any documents, according to Viktor Mirosiichenko, 34, the
public face of the Kontora loan company, who said his company is
trusting borrowers to repay the high-interest, short-term loans and
vowed not to use strong-arm collection tactics if any don’t. “If they
don’t give it back, what can you do?” Mirosiichenko told Reuters. “They
won’t have a soul, that’s all.”

Iowa’s Marshalltown Community School
District is hiring a collection agency to recoup $25,900 in overdue
lunch money. “I’m hoping that we see a little more response,” Food
Service Director Ann Feilmann told The Times-Republican,
explaining that Alabama-based PSD Receivables will use auto-dial and
letters to persuade families whose children have racked up meal debts,
including one that Feilmann said owes $1,700.

News and Blues is compiled from the
nation’s press. To contribute, submit original clippings, citing date
and source, to Roland Sweet in care of The New Times.