Paisan Ivy

Boston fish monger Jake Bianski (Jay
Jablonski) still carries an eight-year torch for his high school
sweetheart Isabella (Marisa Petroro), even though she wisely ditched
him after discovering Jake’s long-ago philandering and has since gotten
married and delivered three children. The opening scenes show Jake
celebrating the eighth anniversary of his dumping, as he gets all
gussied up and brings flowers and a ring to Isabella, in the dim hopes
that she will finally realize his true love affections are real. 

Meanwhile, Jake is egged on by a Greek
chorus back at the fish shop, including comic-relief geezer Aldo
(Richard Libertini) and two married buddies, studly Gianluca (John Enos
III) and middle-aged college student of psychology Steve (John
Kapelos). The trio play matchmaker by arranging a blind date between
Jake and pretty veterinarian Marisa (Cerina Vincent, who boasts the
most lovely come-hither peepers since Claire Forlani), but the date
turns into a disaster when Jake owns up to his lovestruck feelings
toward Isabella. Yet there’s enough of a spark between Jake and Marisa
that they somehow begin an unusual friendship that, as in all romantic
comedies, blossoms into something more. Naturally, some
late-in-the-game plot contrivances concerning Isabella factor into the
proceedings. 

Writer-director Jason Todd Ipson admits
in the movie’s production notes that Jake’s attempts at reconciliation
are somewhat autobiographical, which might explain why the film’s
interludes of romantic stalking come across as more pathetic instead of
character pathos. Another one of Ipson’s character strokes—namely
Marisa’s admission that she’s 33 and her biological clock is ticking—is
strictly a guy thing that would have made more sense in 1958. Thus, the
film’s midsection straddles very familiar turf: He’s a dork because of
his smitten idiocy, but she’s enough of a doll to eventually overlook
his emotionally crippled simplemindedness. 

Yet Ipson manages to spring some freshness into Everybody Wants to be Italian.
For starters, the film does not offer the expected broad slices of
stereotypes, although a few creep in, notably Gianluca’s revved-up
randiness. While trying to sell Jake’s attributes to Marisa, Gianluca
says, “C’mon, he’s wicked good-looking, 6 feet tall and he’s got an ass
like Michelangelo’s {statue of} David.” Steve also brings his
psychological advice to the shop, telling Jake that his eight years of
stalking Isabella aren’t a good thing: “You know what Freud says:
Two-and-a-half to four years tops. Anything more is clinically
psychotic.” By the way, Everybody’s running gag (a lie,
actually) lives up to the film’s title: Jake is Polish, Marisa is
Spanish, yet both pretend to be Italian to impress each other.

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Ipson’s comic pacing also aids his
modest comedy. In a variation of the vaudeville-era spit take, Jay
Jablonski’s Jake chokes on his powdered cannoli when Cerine Vincent’s
Marisa informs him, “If I’m dating a guy, he’s gotta be a step up from
my vibrator.” And the writer-director’s casting calls yield more
benefits, especially John Kapelos’ deployment of amusing character
nuances as Jake’s impromptu back-room psychologist and gorgeous Vincent
rising above what could have been a cliched gal-pal role. 

Ipson doesn’t get much from hambone
Penny Marshall as a florist; she’s in two brief scenes that might have
taken all of five minutes to shoot. But he does mine fleeting moments
of comic gold from veteran Richard Libertini as Aldo. Pay close
attention when Marisa first meets Aldo, who quickly primps himself in
his reflection on a stainless steel coffee pot, or the ways that he can
deliver a comic line like “It’s all fun and games {with an Italian
woman} until somebody loses a testicle!” It’s called scene-stealing and
Libertini has been doing it for decades.